Godzilla Vs Mechagodzilla!

Godzilla Vs Mechagodzilla ~ 1974, Jun Fukuda – Japan

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It’s 1974, and Godzilla Vs Megalon is now a year behind us. Toho, no doubt still coping with the grief of knowing they had birthed Jet Jaguar into the world, decides to get right back on the horse and gives us some of that same old same old; Godzilla Vs Mechagodzilla; yet another movie that would pit Godzilla against a monster controlled by invaders from space. Returning director Jun Fukuda, who had salvaged past alien invader Godzilla films with his Zazzy directing, piles on the Zazz like a damn Zazz-machine, but at this point we’ve seen this exact plot so many times that keeping it zazzy is now easier said than done. I mean, they pile on that zazz, but right now, what we need is a new story. Not zazz.

…It’s still pretty fun, though.

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THE PLOT~ While exploring the Japanese Island of Okinawa, archeologists uncover a centuries old mural hidden in deep underground in an ancient cave system. This mural tells of a chilling prophecy, the exact wording escapes me, but essentially it boils down to this:

“A monster is gonna show up to kill everybody, but then more monsters are gonna show up, so it’ll all be cool.”

Everybody flips out when this is discovered, even though by my count that prophecy has already come true like, a million times. Whatever. They also find some Space Titanium in the cave, and some serious science shit goes down. How wild and advanced is the science in Godzilla Vs Mechagodzilla? Why, it’s so out there that the Subtitles can’t even keep up!

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The subtitles didn’t even want to try on that word!

Soon, Godzilla pops in for his daily raid. It’s assumed immediately that Big G is the monster spoken of in the aforementioned prophecy, but something isn’t adding up. This new Godzilla sounds sorta funny, he doesn’t have the all too familiar Skreeonk style roar the Japanese have come to recognize… His spines are also shinier, and his dragon breath has a vague space-alien type quality to it… Plus, when Anguirus shows up to spend some quality dino time with his best buddy, Godzilla brutally kicks the shit out of him, which is totally out of character (Godzilla Raids Again). What the hell is going on?

Godzilla-vs-Mechagodzilla-fightHoly smokes! Another Godzilla shows up! The Japanese people’s collective mind is blown. After a short throw down between the two warring twin Godzillas, we discover the truth, the first Godzilla was a mechanized imposter, a robotic replica of Godzilla, who was coated in a false skin, not unlike Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator, and also probably in real life. Of course, this robot Godzilla, forever known as Mechagodzilla, is part of an alien plot to conquer the Earth. The aliens involved are pretty lame. They’re shape shifting gorilla people.

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So, As part of the prophecy, King Caesar, the shaggy, lethargic guardian monster of Okinawa, is awoken, and he and Godzilla team up against Mechagodzilla. King Caesar is kind of cool, he’s a bipedal, somewhat humanoid dog/lion type creature, and I’ve never been secretive about my longstanding bias towards monsters with floppy ears. King Caesar makes Jet Jaguar look like a serious mountain of shit, but we don’t actually spend too much time with him, so he isn’t given much of an opportunity to shine. Additionally, his “guardian monster” status is slightly reminiscent of an underdeveloped Mothra, so what little we do get from him isn’t really breaking new ground. King Caesar is a bit of a missed opportunity.

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Anyway, Godzilla and King Caesar put the beat down on Mechagodzilla something fierce, and eventually Earth is saved yet again. The final battle is sorta bloody by Kaiju standards, which is pretty cool. On the profoundly lame and bizarre end of the spectrum, however, Godzilla’s premeditated scheme to take down Mechagodzilla involves him absorbing electricity during a lightning storm so that he can magnetize his body and temporarily(?) possess metal based super powers like Magneto. I don’t know if you were able to actually read that without hemorrhaging, but the same thing happens in Ernest Goes to Jail, so I want you to think about that long and hard before you go to sleep tonight.

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Really, the biggest thing this movie has going for it is that it introduced Mechagodzilla, a character who would become a favorite among Godzilla movie buffs. Aside from that, it’s really sort of a lesser entry in the series. The recycled plot is, by this point a pretty major problem to contend with, and nothing else brought to the table feels fresh enough to compensate. What’s here is pretty good, but honestly, not having it be aliens would have made a world of difference at this point. Really, anything else would be better.

We have one more Showa era Godzilla film left, and then Big Green takes a long break.

C+

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Godzilla Vs. Megalon!

Godzilla VS Megalon ~ 1974, Jun Fukuda – Japan

godzilla-vs-megalon-japanese-posterEven the poster is lame.

The trajectory of the Godzilla franchise has never been a straight line. Sometimes these movies are real home runs… Other times Jet Jaguar shows up. Now, I don’t want to blame everything on Jet Jaguar, but 100% of the movies he shows up in suck. Anyway, moving on; one year after Godzilla VS. Gigan, we have Godzilla VS Megalon, another kinda sorta almost recycled Godzilla film, which is still much better than the full on totally definitely recycled Godzilla films we often see. This time, the aliens who use a monster to destroy us aren’t aliens, they’re humans, from the Earth’s core… So, kinda sorta new, but not really. This movie is pretty mediocre, and that’s probably being generous…

 Godzilla-Vs-Megalon-PosterTHAT’S a poster.

THE PLOT~ The people of Earth have begun conducting all their nuclear bomb tests underground. They think this is totally no big deal, but unbeknownst to them, all these subterranean H-Bombs are really pissing off the people of Seatopia, a lost, Atlantis style civilization, which exists beneath the Earth’s crust. (Also, Seatopia looks like a “Ancient civilization” themed Las Vegas casino, and their leader is an aging swinger in a toga.) Seatopia has had enough of this surface people bullshit, so they launch their defender, Megalon, which is basically a giant humanoid cockroach with drill hands that can spit fire bombs. “That outta take care of it,” they think.

Meanwhile, up on the surface, we have our three human characters, Goro (Apparently before growing a pony tail and two extra arms) his constantly present, loyal, male companion Hiroshi (are these dudes a couple?) and their young child Rokuro, who they probably adopted together. When we meet these three, Goro and Hiroshi have brought Rokuro to a nearby lake for a nice afternoon of recreation, and Rokuro is out on the lake piloting what can only be called some sort of Aquatic Goof-Mobile.

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Just then, a fissure opens in the lake bed, creating a whirling maelstrom of danger and death. Perhaps this was caused by Seatopia, the subterranean bomb tests, or perhaps the lake was just tired of something so stupid looking as Rokuro’s Goof-Mobile splashing about on it’s surface and chose to commit suicide. Regardless, just when it looks like his goose is cooked, Rokuro is saved by Goro and Hiroshi, who employ the use of a Liferope Gun that they had with them. LIFEROPE GUN!? What kind of technology is Japan holding out on us? They gave us Playstation, but not the Liferope Gun? Bizarre. Not only that, but check it out, Hiroshi and Goro have also built a humanoid robot called Jet Jaguar, presumably for sexual purposes. Jet Jaguar attracts the attention of some secret agents from Seatopia who are concerned that the robot might thwart their Megalon related plans. They must not know that Jet Jaguar is totally lame. Anyway, there are some twists, some turns, Jet Jaguar is highjacked by these spies briefly, but then escapes their control and somehow gains sentience. He then zooms off to Monster Island to ask Godzilla for help clobbering Megalon, and Godzilla happily agrees because by this point he has completely turned the corner from menace to hero. Anticipating Godzilla’s involvement, Seatopia sends for Gigan’s help, because they apparently work with whatever cosmic temp agency manages him, but they couldn’t afford Ghidorah. Jet Jaguar grows to kaiju size (he can do that, I guess), and the four players beat the shit out of each other for the rest of the movie. It’s not that awesome…

Monster role call!

  • 936full-godzilla-vs_-megalon-photoGODZILLA- Just a big ol’ softy. In this one, Godzilla’s head has been redesigned, 713875-vlcsnap_2010_10_31_12h22m27s8his eyes are much larger, and more frontal, which gives him a more humanoid and friendly appearance. Godzilla also observes different human customs, such as the shaking of hands, and feeling insulted when Megalon taunts him with his weird monster butt-slap dance. Things were getting a little Gamera by this point.
  • JET JAGUAR– A giant piece of garbage.
  • MEGALON– A giant bug.
  • GIGAN- Hey! Gigan’s back!Godzilla-Vs-Megalon-1973

So, yeah… The movie has like, several car chases in it, which is new. There’s also a lot more human on human violence, some of which is kind of goofy. The whole film is much more light and silly than recent entries, and this is the movie where Godzilla does his much despised flying missile kick, a fighting move so ridiculous it was immortalized in the opening of Mystery Science Theater 3000, a program designed to mock cinematic insolence. In fact, Godzilla VS Megalon, as a whole, was riffed left, right and center by MST3K in 1991.

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GvM is a lull, an awkward misstep between the introduction of the relevant and much loved Gigan in the previous film, and the introduction of the relevant and much loved Mecha Godzilla in the sequel the following year. It’s a fumble, but it’s not super terrible. Really, GvM isn’t much of anything.

C-

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GHIDORAH THE THREE HEADED MONSTER!!!

Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster ~ 1964, Ishiro Honda -Japan

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Hell yeah! After the somewhat less than thrilling Mothra VS Godzilla, we are again back on the right track with the excellent Ghidorah; The Three Headed Monster, one of the best Godzilla films released up to that point. This movie is relevant for a couple reasons, but also it’s really, really cool. End of review?

THE PLOT- Strange, global anomalies are on the rise. Both Godzilla, and Rodan have returned from wherever the hell they were and for however the hell long they were gone, UFO sightings are becoming more frequent, and a strange meteorite falls to Earth and lands in the mountains, eventually cracking open to reveal Ghidorah, a three headed douchebag from space. Initially, Godzilla and Rodan are disinterested in Ghidorah, or the threat he poses to humanity, as they are much more interested in kicking each others asses simply because the other chose to exist, but Mothra, understanding Ghidorah to be a death sentence to Planet Earth, makes a desperate appeal to them to unite with her against the onslaught of Ghidorahs crazy lightning breath and loud dragon shrieks. The forces of Godzilla, Rodan, and Mothra (only a larva this whole movie) combine, and beat the hell out of Ghidorah until he flies away.

Ghidorah; The Three Headed Monster has a pretty involved plot, with multiple characters who are conneghidorahcted to one another in various ways, but all the film’s events center around one character – a Princess with amnesia who believes herself to be from Venus, and who also seems to have some psychic abilities. Is she crazy? Maybe? Probably not? Anyway, hot on her trail are some menacing would-be assassins, and she’s really the anchor that holds the narrative together. Everybody wants to either kill her, save her, or exploit her in some way.

This complex plot is welcome, though the film still makes use of scientists and journalists as it’s main stable of characters, it manages to avoid the recycled vibe that had started creeping into the series in prior instalments, and that’s really important. The human characters are all likable, and we don’t feel like we’re wasting our time with them, plus the tiny singing ladies from Infant Island show up, as well, and they’re always good.

Even more crucial; Ghidorah; The Three Headed Monster delivers on the kaiju front. List time;

  1. Four monsters! – That’s two more than two! At this point, this was the closest to a wall to wall monster fest a kid could hope for, and these are quality kaiju we’re talking about here, none of that Jet Jaguar shit. Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra and the424440-giant-monster-movies-ghidorah-the-three-headed-monster-poster-2 newly introduced King Ghidorah is a pretty A-List line up.
  2. The fights– The monster fights in this movie are all great. The big, four-monster brawl at the end starts off strong and kinda ends on an off note, but it’s still very enjoyable.

Something to mention, though… Although the Rodan VS Godzilla fight is still pretty cool, there are a lot of points during that one that start to look less like a fight, and more like a sex scene. Kind of a lot. And the Ghidorah fight at the end does look slightly gang bang-ish at times, too. Am I suggesting that Toho was having some fun with us? That Ishiro Honda was really into monster porn? No. I don’t know what I’m saying; but turn this movie on and tell me it doesn’t look a little bit like Godzilla and Rodan are doing it.

  1. Monster personality!!! – This is, for sure, the first time in the series we actually get an insight into these monsters individual personalities, and it is surprisingly fun and rewarding (also a little silly, but who in the hell cares, this is a movie where two radioactive dinosaurs and a caterpillar battle a three headed asshole dragon from beyond the stars. I would hope that you could pardon a little silliness). Mothra literally speaks to Rodan and Godzilla. Apparently, these skreeonks and assorted beast screams are actually a universal monster language, and the Tiny Women from Infant Island translate the conversation for us. Mothra comes across compassionate and magnanimous, and both Godzilla and Rodan are grumpy, stuborn dicks. Awesome. They both refuse to help, until Mothra says “Okay, looks like I’m gonna have to go it alone,” and wiggles off to her certain doom, at which point Rodan and Big Papa G quickly decide “F that, no way!” And rush to Mothra’s rescue. The whole sequence is a really fun insight into a side of these characters we haven’t seen before, and in fact, it makes them enjoyable characters in a new way. It is at this point that Godzilla really begins his transformation from the terror of Japan to the likable, ornery, anti-hero he would be for most of the remaining Showa era films. It’s a major turning point in the series, and it helps to boost Ghidorah; The Three Headed Monster up, making it one of the better films in the entire cannon.

Plus, Rodan isn’t in enough movies.

A

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