ANTHROPOPHAGUS!!!!

Anthropophagus~ Joe D’Amato, 1980, Italy

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Anthropophagus is totally awesome… But, oddly enough, this opinion is not a universally acknowledged.

LIke it’s director Joe D’Amato, Anthropophagus is quite well known, but not necessarily well liked. In his time, D’Amato would have been overjoyed come in third in any race, but the truth is, he was never anyone’s favorite Italian genre director, he was always just sort of around. He churned out plenty of pictures, however, and while his body of work has it’s share of stinkers, there are a few real goodies, as well. Take this one, for instance; Here, in Anthropophagus, we have a film maker with very little at his disposal, but who looked at the tools he had, identified which ones were truly valuable, and then stretched the shit out of these resources until they were damn near maxed out to hell and back. These efforts are not wasted; Anthropophagus shakes what it’s momma gave it, and its milkshake truly does brings all the boys to the yard. Get ready for a gross, gross movie.

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THE PLOT~ A quaint, sparsely populated Greek Island is transformed into a gore strewn hell on Earth when a shipwrecked family man turned blood thirsty cannibal washes up on it’s shores, only to then slaughter and gobble down every man woman and child in sight (except for two, who are apparently really good at hiding.) Inconveniently, our group of happy-go-lucky travelers have chosen the worst possible time to visit this scenic, Mediterranean locale for their vacation getaway, and by the time they discover that something it’s truly, terrible wrong, it’s too late, and they find themselves stuck on the island with no way to communicate with the outside world, and no choice but to square off in a violent struggle not to be some swarthy Greek dude’s lunch. It doesn’t say anywhere that this is based on a true story, but damn, I really want it to be.

MV5BMTY2MjExOTk1M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNzI3OTM5._V1_SX640_SY720_Regardless, It’s a great idea for a story, and from the very beginning of the film, it’s clear that D’Amato wants to build mood and atmosphere, even if his threadbare production feels woefully outmatched by the more sophisticated operations his peers were conducting at the time. When people think of Italian horror films in the 1980’s, one of the stylistic traits that all of these movies seem to have are their sophisticated, jazzy lighting setups, and that’s one thing you’ll notice is absent from Anthropophagus immediately. D’Amato appears to be relying on natural light whenever possible, and when that option isn’t available to him, his fallbacks seem to range from the shitty, to a fucking flashlight. His exterior landscape shots are fantastic, but much of the film feels woefully flat, even if the flashlight gags are fairly endearing. Still, in true Anthropophagus tradition, he milks what is working for him as furiously as possible, and we are treated to some great photography of coastal villages, stately manors, and rad ass Greek tombs, so the visuals here do occasionally deliver, they just don’t “Argento-Deliver.”anthrop5

Almost certainly the greatest asset Anthropophagus has at its disposal, however, is reliable old George Eastman, who both co-wrote the film along with D’Amato, and stars as the titular cannibal. Eastman will be a familiar face to fans of 80’s Euro-shlock, but he’s never been better utilized in a film than he is here. This movie goes the extra mile to make its monster scary, and part of that is taking full advantage of Eastman’s tall, imposing physique. Another part of it is making him look fucking gross and including plenty of sequences where he tears people apart and eats them on camera, both of which are wise choices for a low budget horror film. This is a slasher where the killer doesn’t just kill you, he damn eats you, on the spot, raw. Not even Leatherface is that hardcore! Even with the film’s many shortcomings, the handling of Eastman as the monster is done so well that I would call Anthropophagus a reasonable creepy film, every bit as scary as anything Fulci ever shot, even with it’s clumsy production and irritatingly lame soundtrack. The reveal of Eastman in all his gross glory is a particular highlight that was executed fantastically well, for example.

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VIDEO NASTY BREAKDOWN

Since this is one of the better known Video Nasties, one would be well within their rights to wonder just where Anthropophagus lands of the “obscene piece of filth” scale. Well, the answer is that it fits in quite well, but it doesn’t exactly lead the pack. There’s no onscreen nudity or sex to speak of, an oddity indeed in those days, and there are actually plenty of long, drawn out sequences throughout the film which are fairly slow. These calm, quiet moments, however, are often punctuated with over the top sequences of graphic murder and/or cannibalism, because Anthropophagus is still plenty gross when it wants to be. It’s not at all surprising that this film pissed off the British so much, while it doesn’t match other cannibal nasties, such as Cannibal Holocaust or Cannibal Ferox, it does boast a few of the most memorable moments in the entire Video Nasty cycle. (OFFENSIVE CONTENT WARNING! Are you sensitive? Skip the rest of this paragraph. We’ll both be happier.) One particularly notorious gag has the killer forcibly removing the fetus from a dead pregnant woman, and then eating it in front of the father. Another features a defeated Anthropophagus eating its own intestines as one last defiant gesture of disdain for humanity, before finally collapsing, dead as dubstep. This is strong shit to be sure.images

Overall, this has been one of my favorite Video Nasties from a very early point. If you’re exploring this collection of cinematic malcontents, don’t skip this one. It’s almost certainly among D’Amato’s best efforts, and for all its clunkiness, absolutely worth a watch.

Anthropophagous2000NOTE: I’m not the only dude who loved this movie, Anthropophagus also got an unofficial remake some years back, in the form of Anthropophagous 2000, a shot on video splatter flick helmed by none other than Andreas Schnaas, the German turd merchant responsible for such brutal shitshows as Nikos the Impaler and the Violent Shit trilogy. Knowing anything about Schnass or his work should clue you in immediately to just what sort of a film Anthropophagous 2000 is, but if you need me to fill you in a little, I’m happy to do so: It’s production values are infinitely more meager than anything a ordinary human would ever want to endure, the onscreen violence is cranked up as hard as it could possibly be cranked, and the end result isn’t very pleasant. BUT…. Those sorts of films have an audience, and if that’s what you’re into, go check it out. Despite it’s unlicensed origins, it can be had legally on DVD in the United States, courtesy of Massacre Video… So… Thanks, guys.

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VIOLENT SHIT: THE MOVIE

Violent Shit: The Movie~ 2015, Luigi Pastore, Italy

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Sigh<… You’d think by now that I’d have learned a thing or two about not getting my hopes up, but when I read the announcement for this project, it got my attention. It’s such a bizarre turn of events;Violent Shit, the quintessential no-budget German splatter film, was being remade- and by the Italians no less! The new film would have a higher budget (not saying a lot), better production value (saying even less), and would sport an original soundtrack by legendary composer Claudio Simonetti! And if that doesn’t float your boat, it would even feature Euro-horror icon Giovanni Lombardo Radice (AKA John Morghen) in a central role! Holy damn, how could I not want to see this movie?

I’m not crazy about the Violent Shit films (I kinda hate them), but this is tantamount to humanity entering some totally bizarre cinematic echo chamber. Violent Shit was clearly influenced heavily by the Video Nasties that came before it, and now we have this imitation video nasty being made in Violent Shit’s image more than twenty five years later, as if the original movie was just a fan film based on something that didn’t exist yet. At the very least, it looked like this could lend some legitimacy to the franchise, and it would very clearly be worth checking out. So, suffice to say, I preordered the Blu Ray. Will I ever learn?

No, no I won’t. it should go without saying that for all the excitement this strange stage in the evolution of the Violent Shit series may have generated, you can save yourself the trouble; Violent Shit: The Movie is easily the worst film in the entire franchise. It’s kind of amazing that that’s even possible, but here we are. Amazing things happen everyday.

THE PLOT~ When a series of bizarre and brutal murders begin to occur throughout Rome, German authorities send a detective from Hamburg to cooperate with Italian police in investigating what they fear may be the return of legendary German super murderer Karl The Butcher. Naturally, our two detectives waste no time in their investigation to uncover the mysterious truth behind Karl’s return, and to stop the killer before he strikes again. That’s only the first half of the movie, however, after that, the film changes its mind and decides that it wants to be about Giovanni Lombardo Radice’s Satanic coke party, and all of the work the film did in it’s first half establishing characters and plot is tossed in the toilet and discarded forever. We see some sleazy Italians have sex, Karl makes a few brief appearances, and is then casually decapitated in someone’s backyard like it ain’t no thing, and then the fucking movie is over and Luigi Pastore laughs maniacally inside his ornate, cavernous mansion, because he knows you just watched his shitty movie and he has your money, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Holy smokes. This franchise deserved better. I can’t believe I’m saying that, but it really did. It’s probably as good at time as any to remind you what the original Violent Shit looked like:
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Yeah, it looked like garbage, complete and utter garbage, because that’s what it was. It was the product of a handful of German kids dicking around with a VHS camcorder on the weekends, and somehow, the world decided that this was a movie, and now people own copies of it on friggin’ DVD. Even this, meager as it was, was a better experience than what Pastore has done with the Violent Shit franchise.

In fact, why is this even a Violent Shit movie? It’s not even that violent! It’s a complete waste of the license. Karl The Butcher is basically delegated to the role of a party favor, in simple point of fact, this is a complete under-utilization of the Violent Shit brand. This movie is really just about Giovanni and his weird antique collecting/Devil worshiping shit that he’s into, which would be okay, since I do like seeing Radice back again, but damn it, you guys. You probably should have made SOME KIND of effort to make your Violent Shit movie a VIOLENT SHIT movie. Seems like that would obviously be important. I really can’t tell you how profoundly short this movie comes insofar as delivering what is expected of it. The only other franchise reboot I can think of that shit the bed to this dramatic of a degree is actually Leprechaun Origins, which is a Leprechaun movie that somehow forgot to put the Leprechaun in it. Yeah, that was actually worse… But still.

Violent Shit the Movie isn’t just bad, it’s puzzlingly bad. It’s frustrating, pointless, and every mistake it makes is so painfully obvious that it actually makes the experience of watching it irritating in ways which surpass the natural unpleasantness one would experience when sitting through a crappy movie. Violent Shit The Movie is the sort of bad that demands retaliation, like after having seen it, you feel like you’ve been wronged on a personal level. Truly, hell holds a special place for Luigi Pastore.

Oddly enough, Andreas Schnaas’ Anthropophagus 2000, his semi-illegal remake of Joe D’Amato’s 1980 video nasty, is, while still shitty, a much better experience, overall. Apparently, converting Italian to German works a lot better than the other way around.

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