All Monsters Attack A.K.A. Godzilla’s Revenge~ 1969, Ishiro Honda -Japan
I watched this movie probably 135 times as a child. That makes it hard for me to declare outright that All Monsters Attack is a total piece of crap, even if part of me does want to say that… But that would be dishonest, after all, the film is intentionally geared for a young audience, and I seemed to like it just fine when I was a kid. I can say this, though; for adults, it’s rough. Especially the English dub. Brutal.
The movie focuses on Ichiro, a little kid who nobody likes, least of all the you, the viewer. Ichiro bumbles around sucking at all things, and periodically falls asleep, launching his numerous dream sequences, all of which take place on Monster Island, eternal battleground of giant friggin’ beasts, and therefore the least safe place in the world- but it is here that Ichiro pals around with Minilla, Godzilla’s doofy and equally unworthy son, and slowly learns to stand up for himself and be less of a little bitch. Most of the movie is either Ichiro in the real world, which is super, super depressing, Ichiro on Monster Island, which is goofy, or scenes of Godzilla kicking thing’s asses, which is awesome.
And really, that’s about it for All Monsters Attack, plot wise. The English dub is excruciating, Ichiro sounds like a screeching, annoying little nerd, and that’s really what he is. He had to learn to not suck via dream sequence life lessons, but I would think the same effect could have been achieved if someone had just shaken him and screamed “NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR SHIT, KID, QUIT SUCKING!” right into his face.
I also feel the theme song at the beginning is worth mentioning. Even as a child I thought it was weird, it’s this strange hot jazz/angry funk acid nightmare, listen to it here.
The movie is too uneven, even as a kid’s film. The “real world” sequences are bleak and depressing, which I can remember is how I generally felt about them as a child, even if I could not yet articulate that. Meanwhile, the frequently fast-fowarded to Monster Island sequences delivered the goods, because they packed in like, so many damn monsters. That was probably what made this movie a regular in my childhood VHS rotation, high monster count.
One of the lesser Toho Godzilla films, and possibly the worst Showa outting for Big G..
C-
top secret research laboratory located on a remote island. Their experiments, focused on climate control, backfire, heating up the island to near unlivable temperatures, as well as causing a freak mutation in the island’s already pretty giant bugs, this time making them really, really giant. Things couldn’t get any worse, just kidding, of course they can- the giant bugs dig up an egg, which hatches. The hatchling? Apparently Godzilla JR! Eager to buck the absentee father kaiju dinosaur stereotype, Godzilla trods up onto shore for some good old fashioned monster child rearing. Things with our scientists are bad, they all got weird jungle fever, there is increased tension amongst the ranks, and now the island has turned into a full on Kaiju ass-whooping zone, so these are for sure stressful days. Their only hope for salvation comes in the form a mysterious woman found living on the island, and, of course, through Godzilla’s innate skill at clobbering the hell out of anything and everything.
less masterfully crafted than they have in the past, although there is passable use of insect puppetry here. It’s clearly meant to be more of a children’s film than past Godzilla flicks, but it’s not so over the top that adults needs be concerned, and little Godzilla Jr. (I should stop pretending that I don’t know his name- it just wasn’t ever mentioned in this film) doesn’t approach Jar Jar levels of annoyance by any means… At least, not in this movie, he doesn’t.